Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I don't know where to go from here.

Last night, as I was getting ready to sleep, I can't seem to " not think " because I had this feeling of something bad is going to happen but I ignored it since it's already very late and the fact that I'm stressed out from all the school work.

When I was sleeping I had a dream about how happy I am with my new friends, in which indeed I am. I also found one of my real friends and I know she won't let me down ( I hope ). If your reading this I bet you know who you are... sister... hmmmm... yeah you know who you are. HAHA

When I woke up, the weather was fine, it was a bright and sunny day ( as usual dito sa Pilipinas ). I woke up around 6:30am, took a bath, fix myself and walk myself to school. I was memorizing my talumpati while walking which some people might think that I was crazy since I was talking to myself gradually. It never came across to my mind on what I've thought last night, So I kept walking and walking until I reach my school, up to my classroom.

I was still memorizing my talumpati in front of my friend mean while "sister" arrived. I was still memorizing my talumpati. We went up to the caf to accompany one of my friend to buy her breakfast since she's hungry. We were talking about this other friend who is being a little kid and then suddenly, while we were talking, another friend arrived. :D

We went back to the classroom for our first class INSOCIO and until that lunch time the vibe was pretty good. Actually it was a great day...Happy happy day not until first class after lunch when one of my friend opened up about something really really shocking in a way that it was hard for me to take in and it was very heavy for me to carry from within.

I did not realize I was hurting people, people in which I call, friends. I was not able to react what I want to react towards her topic. I kept repeating and repeating myself explaining to her how I feel towards it but I can't seem to put it onto the right path. We've been talking on a yellow pad paper... passing notes, as usual. until it comes to the point that I can't take it anymore that I cried without her knowing it. It was hard... VERY HARD being in the center. I really want to tell her "YES" but I kept saying we're good. It's all fine with me.

I just don't want to be left behind by someone I truly care about and being so close with. I don't know why but I think it's normal to feel that way towards her since she's one of a kind friend. Right? Speaking of this person, that night I texted her a flood that one of my barkada texted me which is very sweet. She texted me back like " auww kasama din pala ako sa 7" well yes of course!, I told her... Being all sabaw with all the stress pills that our professors have been subscribing us with...

Okay.. you might tell me that I'm being all dramatic and stuff well... FUCK U... JUST READ!
ok... KIDDING! but yeah... ( Evil laugh ) :D

I mean... I bet you already get my point here.

You know the feeling of being held by a friend can really cure everything inside means a lot to me. That's why I'm contented with life with just my friends and family... Trust me she's one of the awesome people that I've talk to in college and now, without me knowing she's more than a friend to me...sisters I may say but I did remember the fact that she told me that she also sees me as a " sister " :D YEEEEEE!

Okay, my main point is either close friends or not I don't want to lose them either way.

I hope this is clear enough on what my heart truly feels.

( P.S SORRY FOR ALL THE WRONG GRAMMARS, Forgive thy sin, It was 12:52 midnight and that means I was half asleep half awake) TEEEHEEE

-BELLA ::0

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